These days!

So lately these days, I have been feeling really down. I think most of my being down has to do with my weight. Anymore these days when I wake up in the morning, I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to hide away from the world and hide from my problems.

When I go out in public, I am embarrassed by what I look like. I am not happy with the way I have let myself go. If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I thought I would ever be at the weight that I am at, I would have told you heck no! Never in a million years. I guess when you become lazy, this is the results.

In my mind I want to get in better shape and lose the weight. But for some reason when it actually comes to doing the work to lose the weight, that is where I fall short. I don't know why either. I am all ready to go when I start my "diet" and then after about a day or two, I am back to the same old spot. For some reason, I can't seem to just stick to it. I can't seem to give up the bad stuff. It's like the foods and junk just have a hold on me. I know the food is not healthy and I know that if I continue what I am doing that I am just going to kill myself slowly.

I want to do this. I really do. I just don't know why I can't get there. I picture myself at my goal weight and it makes me excited, but getting there seems to be taking a lot longer than I ever pictured it would. It's just frustrating that I haven't done what I need to do!

I have a lot of reasons of why I should get in shape. The biggest of them being my beautiful little girl. It's amazing how becoming a mom can change your whole life. I would give everything to make sure that this little girl is taken care of and has everything she needs. But what she really needs is a mom who CAN take care of her forever. I won't be able to chase her around if I am the way I am right now. I won't be able to take her places if I continue the way I am. She needs the strongest mom she can have and right now, I can't give that to her.

I am ready to do this mentally, but now some reason I need to figure out how to do it. I know HOW to do it, but in my mind, I need to figure out how to say NO to the bad things and YES to do the good things. Somehow I HAVE to do this...